The CahRAZY Story AKA The Great Adventure
by AkiTatsutahime
Summary: The result of the kidnapping of Vash by a group of agentsfans. Find out the meaning of the universe and more! Guaranteed laughs-a-hundred-miles-a-minute! If we can't fulfill the guarantee, we promise a full intellectual refund!
1. The Start of Something SO HORRIBLE!

Welcome to the great adventure, everyone! Please, sit back comfortably and enjoy.  
  
-Cast-  
  
Vince as Ent (Vince's own creation)  
  
Livvy as Livvy  
  
Mary (ME!) as Mary  
  
Cristin as Cristin  
  
Jade as Jade  
  
Vash as Vash  
  
Senor Platypus as Senor Platypus  
  
Mister Pants as Mistuh Pantz  
  
-Disclaimer-  
  
Vince, Livvy, Cristin, Jade, and I DO NOT own Vash… all though I wish I did, I don't… So, we would appreciate it if no legal action was taken and you didn't sue the pants off of us. Thanks!  
  
-A small peak at what you have to look forward to-  
  
The job of a secret agent is never easy, but for this group of comical coughnot-so-great cough heroes, the job is coughnevercough easy, and coughnotcough always finished. Join them as they kidnap the always loved, anime outlaw, Vash the Stampede, and set out to rescue their dearest friend Senor Platypus from the clutches of the evil Frenchman Mistuh Pantz.  
  
-Origin of story-  
  
Vince, Livvy, and I were really bored in U.S. History one day… but then again, it's history… who wouldn't be bored? This is the result of our sanity-draining class period… and the rest of the day as we passed the notebook back and forth… yeah… ENJOY! NOW! 


	2. The Great Cheddah Scandal

THE CAH-RAZY STORY! (a.k.a. The Great Adventure)

by Vince, Livvy, and MAWY (Mary)  
  
(scence opens, Mary and Ent standing around)  
  
Ent: (stands... standing... standing...) This bores me.

Mary: Maybe we should have conversation.

Ent: Hmm... Oh, I got one! Ahem! So, remember that one thing at the place with that guy?

Mary: ... yeah. Ent, you're a failure. I'm going to find Livvy. (takes out cell phone) 1-800-Liv-Vyee...

Phone: Ring ring. Ring ring. One day the phones will rebel against you slave masters.

Mary: What? Phone: ...uh- Ring ring.

(Mary listens to the phone, answering machine picks up)

Livvy's Answering Machine Message: Hiya! I'm out kidnapping-- no, wait, you didn't hear that. I'm so NOT kidnapping anyone. Leave message! Beep!

Mary: Hmm... (hangs up phone) Ent: What? Mary: Her message said she was SO NOT kidnapping someone. Ent: Hmm... I wonder what she's doing then. Mary: (blank stare)  
  
(outside Livvy's apartment... why does she live by herself in an apartment? Don't ask!)

Mary: (pounds door) Livvy! (screaming heard inside. some kind of fight goes on and a door slams)

Ent: Maybe she's not home.

Mary: Did you not hear the screaming?!

(Livvy opens the door slightly)

Livvy: Oh, hey guys.

Ent: Hey, can we come in?

Livvy: Certainly... (twitches)

(they enter. a nearby closet is padlocked. a familiar voice is heard screaming, "Crazy girl kidnapping me! No donuts! No donuts at all!")

Mary: That sounds a lot like -

Livvy: Mice! Yes! MICE! ONLY MICE!

Mary: Like... Like... Vash!

Vash (from within closet): Yes? Are you here to save me?

Mary: No... Livvy, why were you kidnapping people again?

Livvy: (starts crying) Oh! It was horrible!

Ent: Ooooh! Shiny! (playing with the lock on the door)

Mary: (drags Ent away from the door) Livvy... why did you kidnap him?

Livvy: Cheese... yes. Cheese. Do you want some cheese?

Ent: OOH! CHEESE!

Mary: No, we don't want cheese.

Ent: I want cheese.

Mary: No, you don't.

Ent: Okay.

Livvy: FINE! I SEE HOW IT IS! MY CHEESE ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU!

Mary: You're getting a little off topic, don't you think?

Livvy: (crying like crazy and stroking a block of "cheddah" cheese) I know, she's an evil, evil woman...

Vash: YOU'RE AN EVIL, EVIL WOMAN!

Livvy: (throws the "cheddah" at the closet door)

(all is silent)

Mary: Well...

Livvy: You just don't understand...

Vash: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?! You kidnapped me, threw me in a closet, padlocked the door, and you're telling me that I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND??!!

Ent: Wow! The closet's talking!

Mary: Um, Ent...?

Ent: Cornflakes?

Mary, Livvy, closet door: anime sweat drop and big completely white eyes

Livvy: Yeah... welll... (stands infront of the closet door, blocking it) YOU'LL NEVER TAKE HIM BACK!!! HE'S MINE NOW!!! thunder crack MWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Ent: Who is yours?

Mary: (slaps Ent) Don't worry, Livvy, we aren't here to take him away.

Livvy: You're not?

Mary: Of course not. Why miss this genuine opportunity to abuse a celebrity!?

Cristin: (falls out of chimney) That is my philosophy!

Ent: Cristin! Wait--- why are you here?

Cristin: Uh... 'cause.

Ent: Fair enough.

Mary: Wait--- this apartment has a chimney?

Livvy: No, I don't think so.

Mary: Then how--?

Cristin: Do not question the true meaning of the universe!

Ent: True meaning of the universe is a chimney?

Cristin: ...yes.

Vash: Uh--- guys? What are you going to do with me?

Livvy: First--- we cover you in "cheddah" and then we go on an adventure!

Vash: Uh... can we skip the first part?

Livvy: Fine. But, wait! If we cover you in "cheddah" you'd be yummy!

Mary: He's already yummy, I mean... uh... (desperately tries to change the subject and says the first thing that comes to mind) You know, I say we get some alcohol and skip the adventure! What better time to abuse the under-age drinking laws!

Livvy: Let's say we did and don't.

Vash: I'm all for a drink!

Cristin: The closet's talking...

Livvy: Uh... Cristin?

Cristin: Cornflakes?

Livvy: I say we... wait. Where's my cheese? (camera shows under a table where the cheese rolled after Livvy threw it at the door) ENT! YOU TOOK MY CHEESE!

Ent: Snickerdoodle?

Livvy: (ties Ent to a chair... kinky... then puts a spotlight on him) Now, we can do this the easy way or the hard way... (does that sound kinky to anyone?)

Mary: Uh... Livvy?

Livvy: WHAT COLOR IS MY UNDERWEAR?! (slaps Ent)

Ent: WHA--- Ouchies!

Mary: Livvy! You're looking for your cheese!

Livvy: Oh yeah... we'll get to stealing my underwear later, you pervert!

everyone, but Livvy, anime sweat drop

Vash: C'mon guys... lemme out!

Livvy: Under ONE condition: You come on an adventure with us.

Vash: ...

Livvy: There are donuts involved!

Vash: (in a flash, Vash [heh, that rhymed] breaks through the door and appears in the doorwar that leads out of the room) Last one on the adventure is a rotten egg! (runs to the car, laughing and screaming)

Whole room: (blinks)  
  
(Later, when everyone is in the car [Mary driving])

Mary: All right, team! Listen up! (all of a sudden, all this covert operations equipment appears out of secret compartments in the car)

Vash: Whu---?

Mary: Vash... it is time for the truth! We have faked kidnapping you to ask for help. You see, some time ago, our friend, Senor Platypus, was taken hostage by the evil Frenchman Mistuh Pantz. We need your help!

Vash: (mouth open, drooling) Whu??

Mary: Anything could happen on this misson. Vash, you might die in just a HORRIBLE way--

Vash: (gulp)

Mary: --Ent, you will, and I mean WILL, be used as live bait.

Ent: (munches on Cornflakes)(opens mouth to speak, some munches cornflakes fall out) THEY'RE GRRREAT!

Mary: --And Livvy, Cristin and I might even break a nail (the three share a heroic silence) but that is a chance we are willing to take.

Ent and Vash: (try to run out of the car, but realize that their ankles are shackled to the car's floor)

Mary: MWUAHAHAHA!!! (drives off like mad)


	3. Velma VS Thelma

(MEANWHILE...)

President of the United States of America: Thank you, oh Great Citizen, for stopping El Diablo's zombie army that carried the bubonic plague and had rabies. I commend you for your courage.

Jade: I did all that?

President: Yes.

Jade: Wow...

President: Yes indeed. Well, I have other things to tend to. Good day, Miss--- (suddenly, Mary's car crashes through the wall and then into the President. the President is then hurled into a bookcase. books collapse on him and he is pinned down. his mask is partially removed)

Mary: (jumps out of the car) Great work guys! (tears off the mask and four dozen poodles jump out of the president costume and scamper away)

Vash: What is going on?!

Mary: Explain it to them, Velma.

Cristin: According to my calculations, the President was spotted eating dog food and chasing cats.

Livvy: That's when we knew who the culprit was! We couldn't have done it with you, Ent!

Ent: Scoody-dooby-dooOOOooo!

Jade; So... why ARE you guys here?

Mary: Senor Platypus is in trouble!

Jade: No!

Mary: Yes!

Jade: No!

Mary and Livvy: Yes!

Jade: NO!

Cristin: No, really. She's serious.

Jade: Oh.

Vash: Who is this girl? WHAT IS GOING ON?!

Ent: The overwhelming amount of females over males on this trip makes this whole situation unfair.

Livvy: Don't worry, Ent. The male agents are already in France carrying out their duties. (stares at Ent for a moment) Ent? How did you get out of the situation when I tied you to the chair?

Ent: My mystical, magical powers! YAY!

Livvy: Vash let you out, didn't he?

Vash: YES I DID!

Livvy: ... (pulls ropes out of no where, rushes past Ent and Vash, and they are suddenly tied to the presidential chairs) (admires her work) That's better!

Ent: Hey, where are you punishing me?

Livvy: Because it's THELMA, not VELMA! PFFT!

Jade: Livvy, you're thinking of Mama's Family...

Livvy: SILENCE!

(there are 35 minutes of silence as Livvy sat at the desk and did her math quiz. then, when she was finished, she exploded because she didn't understand lots of it, and she had a number overload in her brain)

Livvy: (her ashes rain down from the ceiling around the place where she exploded) Hey, it's raining me! YAY!

Everyone else: (blink blink)

Cristin: In other news, some little kid on the west coast is picking his nose!

Everyone: GASP!

Ent: Such talent! I wish I was talented enough to do that! Hey, can someone untie me please?

Vash: Yeah, me too!

Livvy: Hey! I'd like to be swept up into a jar and taken to the reatomizing clinic, but you just don't get your way all the time in life!

Mary: GASP! OUR NEW ADVENTURE! (sweeps Livvy into a jar) TO THE REATOMIZING CLINIC!


	4. Optimizing Day

(everyone runs off to the car, Mary carrying the jar, while Cristin unties Ent and Vash. they all pile in the car; Mary driving, Jade in the middle, and Cristin in the passengers seat. Ent sits behind Cristin and Vash sits behind Mary) Mary: Ent? Hang on to Livvy while I drive really fast down this road. Ent: OKALY-DOKALY! (sets the Jar--O'--Livvy on his lap)  
  
(a few miles down the road, Ent opens his window) Ent: Ah, what a nice breeze! Livvy, would you like to enjoy the breeze also? Livvy: No, no, Ent don't! Ent: No, really, it's no trouble at all! (inched the open jar of Livvy's ashes to the VERY WINDY open window) Livvy: (ashes fly out the window) Ent, you MORON! Mary: MY SISTER! (slams on the breaks) Ent: She wanted the breeze! Mary: We were supposed to reatomize her so we could have all our operatives could assist us with the saving of Senor Platypus! Ent: ...uh... Cornflakes? Mary: Let me rephrase that so that it makes sense! We were supposed to reatomize her so that we could have all our operatives and then we could save Senor Platypus! DID YOU FORGET ABOUT SENOR PLATYPUS!?!?!?!? Ent: Who's Senor Platypus? Mary: (giant sweat drop) Our friend... who was taken hostage by some french guy... remember? Ent: You mean Mistuh Pantz? Mary: YES! Jade: NO! Mary: Yes... Jade: No! Mary: Yes, Jade... Jade: No... Vash: I'm tired, guys... Jade and Mary: NO! Vash: Yes... Jade and Mary: NO! Vash: Uh... yeah... Mary: (slaps her hand over Jade's mouth before she can say anything) Okay... but before we rest, we have to figure out how to gather Livvy's ashes. Jade: Why don't we forget about going to the clinic? Mary: What?! Ent: So... uh... who's Senor Platypus? (had a 100% delayed reaction) (everyone but Ent and Livvy, of course, anime fall) Jade: Anyway... why don't we just get a reatomizing ray? Mary: Why didn't I think of that? Jade: (gives a big grin) Because, I did! Mary: (sweat drop) (everyone piles back in the car, leaving Livvy's ashes scattered everywhere and drives off to someplace to find a reatomizing ray)  
  
DUN DUN DUN!  
  
(at some place) Vash: Do you even know what a reatomizing ray looks like? (yawns) Jade, Mary and Ent: NO IDEA! Vash: (stares) Jade, Mary and Ent: (stares back) Cristin: OH! You needed a REATOMIZING RAY! I thought you said optimizing day. I got the ray right here in my pocket! pulls out a reatomizing ray) Mary: You mean we drove all the way to some place and you had on the WHOLE FREAKIN' TIME! Cristin: Yep! Mary: ... (drives all the way back to where Livvy is) Mary: Okay Cristin, give me the ray. Cristin: (hands the ray over) Mary: (examines it) Cristin, this is a laser pointer. Cristin: Yep. Mary: ... Vash: ... Livvy's ashes: ... Ent: Screw y'all. I use my magic powers. Hondo Blondo Bidly Bee, Liviticus Ashius turn Livvy into normal... icus! (nothing happens) Mary: Meh? What was that all about? Ent: Shh... watch! (suddenly, a crack in the ground appears and a zombie rabbit-cat crawls out) Ent: (pupils disappear) COME TO ME, ZOMBIE SLAVE! Cabbit: Myoowwwsszzzt! Jade: Umm! Ent: SHHH! Watch! (the zombie cat-rabbit raises its paws up. it then was a reatomizing ray. it shoots the ray into the area where Livvy's ashes are) Ent: OOooooOOOOooooOOoohhh... Mary: Didn't you know that was going to happen? Ent: No, but I just found lint in my pocket! (holds up lint) Mary: (smacks Ent upside the head) Cristin: Ent and I must start a collection of lint fashioned into sexy poses! Everyone else: ... (suddenly, Livvy sprouts from the ground like a tree. her skin is green and her hair is made of grass) Livvy: YAY! I'm alive! And, I smell of plant! Jade: Uh oh! Because Livvy's ashes were dispersed so much, she was combined with the grass that her ashes lay in. Vash: (breaks out into hysterical laughter) Everyone else: ... Ent: (stops playing with the lint and laughs as well) Everyone else: ... Cristin: (laughs also) Everyone else: ... Mary: 1836! AHAHAHAHAHAHA! (laughs with the rest of the laughin' "cheddah" eaters)  
  
... a pause between everyone ...  
  
Livvy: And now I will read a poem! AHEM! (all sweet, and happy) Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet and... (turns into a giant black figure with white and eyes and red firey stuff in the background, shouting crazily) I'M GOING TO DESTROY YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (now returns to her plant form) Well, except for Vash, Ent, Mary, Jade, and Cristin. Yay!  
  
Mary: THAT was pointless.  
  
Vash and Ent: Yay! I don't die! Livvy: (looks at her finger and sees that while shooting up from the ground, she somehow cut herself on... something... and she was bleeding greenish, reddish, watery fluid) EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!! (runs around in circles, screaming, holding her right wrist with her left hand) I'M BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDING!!!! Ent: Oh, waaaah, will you ever stop nagging? Everyone: (takes turns smacking Ent upside the head) Ent: Oooh, brain damage! Livvy: (sits on the ground, crying) (Hey, question. Is it just me, or does everyone else invision them in a big white place, kinda like that episode of Spongebob where Squidward was ALONE... you know, the time machine episode? Livvy) WAAAH! And I don't even know if my sweater smells like hospital! Ent and Mary: (sniff sniff) Mmmyep! Vash: Umm... guys? I'm still tired... and now, I'm really hungry, too. Livvy: Me, too... does anybody even remember what we were doing anyway? (eats a leaf off of her arm) Everyone else: No. Vash: GAH! So, I'm here for no reason?! Ent: Uh huh! Wow! This isn't going anywhere at all! Mary: Yeah... it's kind of pointless. Vash: ... YOU PROMISEd ME DONUTS, LIVVY! WHERE ARE MY DONUTS??!! Livvy: Uh... OFF TO KRISPY CREAM!!!! Mary: Ooooh!  
  
(everyone suddenly explodes)  
  
YAY! 


	5. Ending the Torture

Dustpile: Uh... the end?

Another dustpile: I don't know... is it? I mean, Senor Platypus wasn't even saved...  
  
Senor Platypus: I was never captured.

Ash Mary: BUT-- BUT-- Mistuh Pantz!

Mistuh Pantz: Well, me and Senore Platypus worked out our deefereences.

Ash Mary: But-- BUT!

Ash Vash: I have one too!

Ash Mary: ........

Ash Ent: Hey... I'm a pile of ashes!

Ash Cristin: Me too!

Ash Ent and Ash Cristin: YAY!

Ash Livvy: Vash, I'm sorry about all this...

Ash Vash: Oh, it's all right... IF I WASN'T A PILE OF ASHES RIGHT NOW! And, I never got my donuts...

Ash Mary: Would you rather still be locked in Livvy's closet?

Ash Vash: Uh...

Ash Livvy: If only I hadn't answered the door... I could have grabbed Vash and jumped out the window... we wouldn't all be in this mess...

Ash Vash: Suddenly, I like being a dustpile!

Ash Livvy: I'd glare if I could... (dustpile glare)

(pause)

Ash Ent: I KNOW! I'll call forth my cabbit again! He'll reatomize us!

Senor Platypus: No, I think I'll just eat you all. (chomps down on their... ashes?)  
  
So... the end then?  
  
Yes.  
  
THE END


End file.
